


prompt: chimichangas giddy accidental marriage Buzzards leader mmfr

by Ulthar



Series: Terrible Prompts Challenge [1]
Category: Mad Max Series (Movies)
Genre: Accidental Marriage, Chimichangas, Crack, Drabble, F/M, Post-Mad Max: Fury Road
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-04
Updated: 2015-08-04
Packaged: 2018-04-12 22:09:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4496583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ulthar/pseuds/Ulthar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I asked Tumblr for bad fanfiction prompts, and Tumblr did not disappoint.</p>
            </blockquote>





	prompt: chimichangas giddy accidental marriage Buzzards leader mmfr

“NOW LISTEN HERE SONNY,” the old woman screeched, “YOU DROOLED ON ME WHEN YOU PULLED ME OUT OF THAT WRECK, SO WE’RE BOUND BODY AN’ SOUL. THEM’S THE RULES, AND I DIDN’T MAKE ‘EM.”

The bandit backed up slowly as Giddy waved a large, ugly knife in his face. “So,” he began, in faltering English, “you say you need…rodent?” The knife might actually be a spike torn off of his car, now he thought about it.

“RODENT, LIZARD, FLESH OF THEM THAT’S RECENTLY FELL OFF THE TRUCK, DON’T MATTER. MEAT, FLOUR, AND ANYTHING GREEN, GET IT FOR ME. WE ARE HAVING A NICE SIT-DOWN DINNER FOR ONCE IN OUR MISERABLE LIVES.”

Pyoterweir, formerly leader of the feared band of nomadic brigands known as the Buzzards, now somewhat surprised to find himself bound by some form of honor to a heavily tattooed older woman with a penchant for sharp knives and even sharper words, nodded dutifully and trotted off to check the traps set up to snare small animals in the corners of their little stone house. A year ago, a month even, he couldn’t have pictured himself living in a house, and he hadn’t even heard of the concept of a “nice, sit-down dinner.” He managed to find four lizards and two very large rats, one of which was still alive and fighting, though weakly. He snapped its neck and slipped the animals into his pocket as he stepped out into the sandy vegetable garden behind the house. He considered the options. Giddy had been trying to teach him the names of the plants, but most of them still looked the same to him. He passed by the fuzzy green things and the oblong green things and settled on cabbage. His grandmother had told him about cabbages. Cabbage was usually a sound choice.

Pyoterweir carried two small round vegetables and his pocketful of crawling things back to the room Giddy called “kitchen” and dumped his offerings down on the table next to his wife. “Four meats,” he said. “Two green. Flour is over there. Where you put it.” He gestured to the corner. Giddy said something that sounded like “hmmph,” which Pyoterweir decided wan’t a word, even in English.

He watched as Giddy went to work with the knife he was now very certain had once been part of his car. As she chopped, she cut the feet off the rats and tossed them to him. He caught them and popped them in his mouth one by one, chewing and savoring the taste of blood.

“And then…” Giddy was standing over a pile of finely chopped things, now apparently calmer as dinner appeared more immanent. “Oh, dear, I have to make sure I’m doing this right. Can you look at the back of my right shoulder and read me what you see there? Oh, of course, you can’t read. Someday I’ll teach you. Just be a dear and fetch me my mirror, will you?”

Pyoterweir trotted off again and returned with the little silver shard from Giddy’s tattoo bag. She held it at an awkward angle behind her and squinted at it, reading off “Chimichangas. Heat two tablespoons of vegetable oil over a stove, add diced onions and saute until almost brown…”

**Author's Note:**

> Some effort went into this. For one, I had to name the Buzzard leader (head of the Russian spiked car gang. Pyotrweir is meant to be a pseudo-Russian bastardization of Peter Weir, the director of "The Cars That Ate Paris." "The Cars That Ate Paris" is a very strange movie that I recommend most Fury Road fans see, if only for the VW Bug covered in spikes which was the inspiration for the Buzzard cars. 
> 
> I still don't exactly know what chimichangas are.


End file.
